Couples counselling to help you reconnect and end the conflict
- Is intimacy a struggle and you feel yourself drifting from your partner?
- Do you trigger each other to the point where it seems impossible to get out of set patterns of conflict?
- Are trust, respect and reliability in question?
The science of relationship counselling
Couples counselling offers you new ways of seeing, feeling and behaving in your relationship and a chance to turn things around if that is what you both really want to do.
As humans we are hardwired to seek secure attachment. Our brains have evolved to interpret insecurity and rejection as a form of danger so we are also neurologically primed to avoid rejection.
Even the feeling of being pushed away or indeed pushing our partner away is driven by a primitive fear of loss of attachment. The process itself becomes the force to be reckoned with.
Today, love is no longer a mystery and years of research have led to an understanding of love as a biological as well as an emotional experience so it can be worked with therapeutically.
Working with couples
All couples have conflict in their relationships and working with the boundaries of being 'together' and autonomous is often a finely tuned balancing act. However, sometimes the difficulties run deeper and require exploration. Differences in expectations, values and priorities combined with our family and personal histories are often at the heart of the problem.
The therapist's task
The work of a couple’s therapist is to treat the couple as one. This involves creating a safe and secure alliance, supporting the couple to be present and to validate each other’s experiences. The work often lies in the couple appreciating that the problem is the dance they are caught in rather than either party being inherently wrong or inadequate. It is the process that needs to be reconfigured and something that is achievable and within reach.
My training in Transactional Analysis also offers an approach to working with couples in a frame of ‘I’m OK, You’re OK’ thinking. This frame focuses on working to explore the history they bring to the relationship, the dynamics playing out in the ‘here and now’ and the skills to step back from conflicts and understand what is really happening in the relationship at the conscious and unconscious level.
What to expect in couple sessions
- Understanding historical attachment patterns and how they play out today
- Understanding how behaviours can be informed by unconscious, unprocessed experiences
- Appreciating how our family histories and models of relationships affect us today
- Working with intimacy and its joys and challenges
- Looking at games being played out in the relationship, how to stop them, and how to understand where they come from
- Learning how to enhance communication and listening and conflict resolution skills
- Appreciating the neuroscience of relating and what gets activated in deep connection and fear of loss
- Learning how to support each other empathically and genuinely
- An understanding of boundaries and how to put them in place
Contact me to schedule a consultation and set a course for making lasting changes in your relationship.
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